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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has been thought of by many as a result of a veteran’s exposure to be and killing; relearning the rules society laid down for those years of youth.  However, while this is often the case it is not limited to these people alone.  A serious accident or event in one’s life can also leave PTSD scars.  Abusive relationships and severely dysfunctional environments can also leave its victim scarred for life.  In the latter case it is difficult to identify and understand the route cause.  To the individual this is confusing.  Some signs of PTSD are:

1. Hyper vigilance
2. Nightmares
3. Trouble sleeping
4. Depression
5. Social isolation
6. Anxiety disorders
7. Problems with relationships personal or work

PTSD can lead to alcohol and or drug use (including prescription drugs).  These will dull the senses and push unwanted thoughts from the conscious.  Help is available and this can be managed.  Knowledge is the first step toward a healthy life.  Many mental health clinics are open to those who are suffering.  One such group is for Battered Women and their children – they are generally both physically and emotionally abused.  Group sessions are helpful and one can find ways of coping and moving forward in a positive direction

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Dear MR or MS Politician:

               You are in office to both protect and defend our constitution.  You took an oath of office to serve and to fulfill the duties of office.  We the voters believed you promises during your campaign but it now seems many of you are serving the 1% who paid for your office.  The constitution was to guarantee our rights and should be the grounds for which you make laws and decisions which will impact the future for generations to come.  You have some of the best retirement and benefit packages far above any of us.  You have served to “feather your own nests” and not to assure this country for which you represent a continuance of our constitutional rights.

1. Amnesty for Illegal Aliens is not widely accepted and the voters should have a say in this move.  If you took a poll or a vote you would clearly see we oppose it.
2. Secret meetings for trade contracts and terms of these contracts imply these are also not something that we the voters will approve of or it would be conducted in the public’s view.
3. What ever happened to the “checks and balances” built into the government to protect and obstruct any one branch more power than the rest.  The media were the silent 4^th check and now they are controlled by big corporations’ who are also bought by the 1%.
4.  You seek to withdraw money from social security and Medicare but “bail out big businesses who have managed to run their businesses into debt.”  We who are receiving these have both paid for them during our years of working and are paying monthly for the Medicare.  It is not an entitlement nor a freebie it is ours and we trusted that it would be protected by our President and Congress and Senate.  Now it seems those of you who propose this are attacking those who need to be protected and who are targets for these politicians grasping at straws.
5. Recently there was legislation proposed and put before the Tea Party which was identified as “unconstitutional”.  How is this possible?
6. Mr. Cheney has referred to the “whistleblower” as a traitor but in fact he has been guilty of much more.  He has made millions of dollars serving Halliburton during the Bush administration.  In fact if the truth were told so have many of the current players including the Bush Family.  It is a matter of record which can be found on the internet.

I want to go no record asking for answers; you get salary increases and do not fulfill your official duties but thwart any real progress in dealing with debt solutions.  Is it your mission to eliminate the Middle Class totally leaving poor and rich?  How do you sleep at night knowing you have sold out to the highest bidder and turned your back on the ones who voted you into office?

Respectfully a voter and American

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Depression is an illness and like other illnesses should be understood by the family and friends of those who suffer.  One commercial says “depression hurts” not only the person who has it but also those around this person including pets (who cannot understand).  As one who has recently gone through an episode which left me wishing for death, I can attest to the pain and despair and sense of hopelessness one endures.  I was fortunate to have supports who (though annoyingly persistent) brought me to a point to face my demons and address them.  This friend coupled with prayer has moved me to a place where I want to be in the future.  I do not want to ever go back to the bottomless pit of anguish and misery.  Since I asked God for my life back I have been strengthened and motivated to step up and solve situations which were then overwhelming and seemed impossible to “fix’.

There are things one can do to regain a sense of control over their problems.  Making a list of these things puts a different light on them.  Lying in the dark not dealing with them gives them the power to destroy any chance of moving on and solving them.  If they are complicated and have a large umbrella of territory beneath I have found it necessary to break these down into smaller groups and tackle one at a time.  It is a method of “divide and conquer”.  Being open to brainstorm possibilities with others is a valuable tool too.  Making tentative plans i.e. plan “A”, “B” “C” etc. are also measures to offer hope to the hopeless.  The additional plans are backup if the first fails- it is like a safety net.  Another thing that is valuable is making a list of things you are grateful for like blessings and gifts given at birth like writing or art or other such things.

Medication and therapy are also necessary but in the end the work is done by the patient.  Self-help books can bring light to an otherwise dark and cloudy mind.  It is essential to be able to approach these with and open and honest mind seeking any and all information which can impact a recovery.  One must love one’s self during and after these practices are in place.

Geriatric patients are a group which has a high percent of depressed persons.  Many have not only a foreboding for the future but have also lost their sense of control over both physical and financial areas of their lives.  For the public, family and friends it is necessary to comprehend these things in order to be supportive.

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Over the past years of my lifetime there have been many changes in this country; many wars, increased homeless and jobless, increased poverty and many who depend on their Social Security for food and a safe place to live.  Now the worst thing following “outsourcing work to other countries for increased profits to already huge companies” is the prospect of amnesty for Illegal aliens.  This should put the icing on the proverbial cake.  They will take what jobs away from the US worker and undercut their wages, working for less.  Many false promises were made in the last election that are no longer remembered –promises or lies to achieve office!  The elected officials have “feathered their own nests” by big salaries and raises, cushy healthcare benefits and free student loans for their families who go to college.  These men and women are the ones who can best afford to pay but they are the ones to get these perks.  The politicians now have placed on the table increasing interest rates for student loans for all others.  If they succeed it will make the average person less likely to get an education.  This and many more attacks on the middle and low income families are being proposed assuring there will eventually be only two classes the rich and the poor.  The governmental officials are making decisions in secret about more things which will destroy our democracy.  We must stand up and demand answers for their actions and also wonder if it is beneficial why must secrecy be a key player in their games?  Possibly WE the people would protest and veto their plans.  George Orwell predicted these actions in his book 1984.  He for saw these things years ago and should have called the book 2013.

For me is sickening to think that I was so gullible to believe and not question or demand accountability for these blatant actions.  My only hope is that it is not too late to regain our country’s future excluding liars and corrupt politicians whose only concern is their own future and that of their families.  It is certainly not for the voters who allowed them to be where they are.

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In the past four months I have downsized from a three bedroom house to a one bedroom apt.  On the surface it not only seemed like a great task in a short amount of time but while trying to absorb the cost of moving and catching my bills up it was also overwhelming,  and I went into a significant period of depression.  With nudging from a friend the depression has lifted and for that reason I wrote Facebook the following hoping that it could also help others understand more about depression:

Over the past several months my depression has deepened to the point of hopelessness.  The icing “on the cake being unable to volunteer or leave my home without my dog- due to her barking which disturbed the lady next door.  I finally felt like a prisoner in my new home. The evidence of my depression affected in personal care, environmental care and chores and financial avoidance(s).  However after prayer and coercing from my friend (Barbara) I am now in a different place.  My personal care has improved, as has my confrontation of household chores and facing issues like tax filing for 2012, car registration and NYS Inspection.  I have come to make plans to address my debts in several ways and I now beginning to feel empowered rather than victimized (thru my lack of actions).  I mention this only as a way for others to comprehend the devastation depression can have on a life.  To those outside it seems very simple “just get a grip or get over it” but when faced with perceived unsurmountable situations it is like trying to climb out of quicksand – the more one struggles the deeper it pulls you down.  In my case all I wanted to do was to sleep and avoid it all only making things worse.  Finally I asked God for my life back and He has been instrumental in showing me ways to regain myself again.  Each night I ask Him for more direction and whether in my sleep or in my daily thoughts revelations do come- I now am eager to get up each morning to seek ways to confront my demons and find way to meet my challenges.

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In the past week I have made some significant progress within myself. The environment is also one of change. My world is now one of classical music with little or no TV. My friend and I are forming a symbiotic bond we are leaning on each other’s strengths and are gradually healing from our former trauma while similar still individually different. Issues of trust have been violated and vows breached. The end result is deep wounds while on the surface healed still fester below. It is imperative to reopen these wounds to let the poison out and healing from within can then begin. This process is much like a physical infection but without the signs of infection such as fever, redness, and swelling. There is however the pain but without seeing concrete physical warning signs it is harder to understand.
My personal understanding is that I must keep busy and do things which I enjoy like painting (which has been dormant for weeks now). Writing and cooking are another area which is a creative outlet for me. I have also joined the local library and am again reading. The book is a self-help book which is helping me to gain insight into how to right my wrongs and gives me hope that depression is something that can be overcome on several levels one of which is chemical but more importantly it is upon the other levels that the changes will generate from. It is necessary to remap one’s thinking and move in a new direction. Going back is not a positive thing for the past has much baggage and memories which can and probably will stand in the way of progress. I am for the first time in a much better mental place and have found that the future holds excitement and hope.

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My early childhood was a special time for me as I was the only child, grandchild, niece and totally the center of the universe.  One day however the world came crashing down when suddenly a second and then a third grandchild pushed into the center of my universe.  Though I do not recall specifics it had to have made a lasting dent in my ego.  Knowing what I now know about children and what I have learned as both a mother and nurse have given me insight into such adjustments.

As a school age child I was bright and still wanted to be the star of the show.  My maternal grandmother, Edith enrolled me into ballet at age 5, then into piano lessons shortly thereafter.  As if that was not enough I was sent to brownies and to the organist (who also gave me piano lessons) to sing in the choir at our church.  She secretly informed me that  perhaps singing was not for me (in other words “don’t give up your day job”)!  Of course there were recitals for ballet and toe dancing twice a year infront of an audience which made it at least tolerable.  Piano lessons were different because I became nervous and my hands shook and I made mistakes.  People laughed at my lack of skill hitting notes wrong.  I had acquired a fair amount of “baby fat” and I also was made fun of by my father who pretended to make believe I was a dancing hippo from “Fantasia”.  I hated to be made fun of especially by a parent and of course when singing “one day my prince will come” my uncle burst out laughing.  So it was then that I learned that if I did something deliberately funny , even if poking fun at myself I gave others permission to laugh.  Now at times I think it would be cool to be a stand up comic.

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Things that I remember are intertwined with my senses; every memory is associated with smells, tastes, visual, touch and hearing.  Literally every memory has one or often more than one of my senses involved.  Odors can evoke a mood or emotion or memory.  Pleasant odors put me at peace or are relaxing; colors are stimulating and can cause an insurgence of creative ideas: foods give me pleasure: touch of another or soft fuzzy things stimulate safety or are arousing; music can easily set my mood from joyful to spiritual to mournful.  Sounds can be also frightening and can convey the sense of impending doom i.e. thunder.  Bad odors can be very disturbing and tolerating them can eat away at me.

In my mind these things are intertwined together as a tightly woven tapestry.  I wonder if I am alone in this world of senses or do others also experience them as well?

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The library visit today revealed for me a new book; heal your brain by DR David Hellerstein.  Coincidence, I think not!  Of all of the new books on all of the shelves of the “new book section” my hand came to rest on this particular publication.  In the introduction I am seeing things that are considered “New Neuropsychiatry” and new treatments, plans and medication revisions successfully making inroads for those who suffer from depression and panic attacks.  Many experiments measuring brain size of the prefrontal cortex of the brain and gray matter have been proven increased growth of both through the use of MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imagining) and PET (Positron Emission Tomography) scans.  The psychiatrist sees and treats his patients and uses new techniques with measurable success for especially these specific conditions.  Unlike local psychiatrists who refer patients to therapists for follow-up without further information medicate.   DR Hellerstein is involved in the whole picture.  His point of reference is one of complete involvement.  His approaches are as up-to-date as the material is presented in rounds, conferences and current findings through world renowned Medical centers in the northeast US.

This books promises to offer new hope to those of us who suffer for years or decades from depression.  One helpful source is the patient themselves by doing autobiographical journaling.  My friend has been encouraging my autobiography memories as “he would like to write about me” (he is a writer).  We have spoken for hours both talking and reviewing what I have recalled.

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In the documentary Three Magic Words (which I am still digesting), I have many thought provoking threads to tease out.  It is a commentary on “who am I”?  Many experts made remarks which were intriguing such as each person is an extension of God and that we all are a part of not only the other people but also all living things even extending into the universe.  Everything is comprised of atoms and depending on the speed at which they move can change their state of being.  For example a table or trees seem solid but it is because the molecules are moving at a high rate of speed appear solid.  However, all things solid, liquid, gaseous are molecules moving at different speeds and therefore take different shapes.  We too are a “community” of moving molecules and are also assuming a different form of being.  All of natures including mankind are related and integral parts of life.  The message I received is that God is not existing in an outside place and He is not as we chose to depict Him but rather He is within each of us, We all each an extension of God and he dwells within each person and thing.

This is just one more documentary that I have recently reviewed with a similar theory.  The concept is a mind opening and stimulating theory.  If I am God then I should be loving and open to all life and all people to achieve peace and harmony in my own existence.

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