In the past few weeks I have found my renewal of a former friendship to have definitely grown. I have found that he is nurturing, caring, thoughtful and intellectual. It feels like someone is taking care of me for a change. He has been very supportive and profoundly helpful. During this period I have become very down and withdrawn. He has been trying to care for me and my dog Jessie. I have responded in a reversal of attitude favorably. He does not criticize but offers observations and suggestions. It is possible now for me to accept a change for the better by doing things to help myself. I am very touched by his concern and caring. I had all but given up not able to even care for my dog. She was feeling the negative effects of my withdrawal and became hyper vigilant watching over me. It took a toll on all of us. My improvement has relaxed both of them and has given me a sense of hope.
Got Soma ?
•November 26, 2012 • 1 CommentThinking about the state of the country and the power of the 1%, it has occurred to me that this could eventually become “A Brave New World (written by Huxley). The powerfully wealthy could take over the world through the use of hatcheries for incubated ova. As in the book the fertilized eggs controlled by the amount of oxygenation and environmental adjustments thereby determine the different classes of people to be born into various roles. . The less oxygen given will result the lower a IQ. Thus the human created is a worker who will do menial tasks. .On the opposite side the better cared for rose to become well suited for living in the exclusive world setting. The children are then raised in specially controlled settings to brainwash their adult outcome. The wealthy elite would of course have the best lifestyle of all without questions.
What will you chose?
•November 12, 2012 • Leave a CommentThe Return to Innocence by Enigma is a piece of music which stirs my inner senses to the core. The
Lyrics :
That’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love, devotion
Feeling, emotion
Love, devotion
Feeling, emotion
Don’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart, my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself, don’t hide
Just believe in destiny
Don’t care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don’t give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Don’t care what people say
Follow just your own way
Don’t give up, don’t give up
To return, to return to innocence
If you want, then laugh
If you must, then cry
Be yourself, don’t hide
Just believe in destiny
Something for everyone; what is your level of innocence? Are you brave enough to try or will you pass on a return to happiness?
Termination after less than two days on the job…
•October 29, 2012 • Leave a CommentMy recent experience with a very short stint working through an agency was not good. I was assigned to a full time temp position giving influenza shots in a clinic through a Westchester County Medical Group. I spent the first day learning about the computer system and that went well. Then I met the clinic assistant Nurse Manager who seemed very unfriendly and rushed. The second day I was assigned to an office or “pod” designated to seeing and treating internal medicine patients. For five hours I was there giving shots (three to be exact), apologetically the staff said it was unusually slow. After my assigned lunch break I returned to the clinic to work the remainder of the time. I found the younger nurse to have had an abrupt to rude attitude toward my inquiries but dismissed it. The following day I organized my “station” and went about giving injections to patients in an eagerly fashion as competently as I could. I went above the average agency worker’s performance. On My return trip home I was notified that my assignment was terminated without warning. The reason for this was “I was not a good fit!” I feel that in part this was an issue of age discrimination since my hair is gray and my appearance older. In addition to this my educational history and educational degree of BSN may have been intimidating. Regardless I am not satisfied with such an answer and feel that under other circumstances (race, sex, or others) this would be refuted.
First day of work
•October 22, 2012 • Leave a CommentCrazy day today! Started off ok but is very different at intervals. Went to work with time to spare and on 684 traffic came to a standstill due to a car fire on exit 3 just one exit past mine. The three lane road was merging into one lane. My arrival time was 915 rather than 830 am. My directions were to go to building 90 but should have said 110 and the Human Resources office down an obscure hallway which I would not have found if not shown. The four hour orientation basically regarding the computer charting turned out to be 2 and a half hour. Once finished and taken to area of assignment was told that we mostly do not do the computer logging in process. The work is relatively simple since the medications are divided into three separate groups and all are prepackaged ready for administering. It is incredible that I will be getting such a salary for so little effort- NOT COMPLAINING! I am just mystified. I probably will not even need deodorant since I will barely break a sweat.
Now that I am home I realized that my new glasses are not strong enough to see the computer clearly so I retrieved the paperwork and found out why. The Lens Crafter personnel ordered me single lens reading glasses which can of course be changed with new measurements and additional charges for the second lens. My cataract replacement glasses which were to be covered by my insurance will wind up costing me about $200. It is for this reason that I will be signing up with Wellcare 2013 since there is no premium monthly whereas BC/BS is over $110 per month.
Well I will see what number three will be…
Moving on with friendship.
•October 21, 2012 • 1 CommentI am starting work tomorrow-3 &1/2 days the first week and full time for 6-8 weeks until flu season wanes. The only unhappy thing is the hour commute but the additional money will compensate for the inconvenience.
My friend is passing the two week mark and is seemingly fitting into a more comfortable place. The relationship is plutonic and is challenging since he is very bright and well read. He has a PhD as well as Master’s in African History. We sit after dinner and chat about the “good old days” in Poughkeepsie NY. It is refreshing and stimulating to have discussions as well as mind expanding. He has built a bird feeder and hung it outside the sliding glass door. His knowledge of birds is incredible too.
Having him here while I work will help to keep the dog company thru the day-this was one of my big concerns about working. The whole event leading from his coming here up to work is a puzzle picture in the works- each piece fits in place perfectly even the events prior to the move were necessary pieces whereby the eventual move would work. It has to be a divinely planned thing, of that I have no doubt. If I calculate this blessing of finances will enable me to not only improve my credit picture but also provide money for Christmas and some work around the house.
Thank you God!
My friend and budding friendship
•October 16, 2012 • Leave a CommentTomorrow is one week of living with my childhood friend. It has been interesting to say the least. I am still receiving words of caution from friends. I am enjoying “playing house” and fixing meals. I have a vague sense that there is more to this situation but do not like to “grill” others with questions as it feels intrusive to me. If there is to be sharing then it should come from trust not interrogating. It is a pleasure to have an intelligent individual around to chat with and I am learning just how smart he is too. He has been to seven continents and written books. His education is extensive too. MS and PhD I am not sure which is for studying in South Africa for two years but think it must be the latter. I am still troubled at the negativity and the labels he claims i.e. primitive, black sheep of the family introvert. Basically he seems a “loner” and walks about exploring the city of Poughkeepsie where he once lived. While he seems healthy he mentioned that he is very sick and today has gone to the Veteran’s Administration for follow-up on his evaluation begun in Vermont. This leads me to a conclusion that he could have emotional issues or more.
The ongoing saga of the rebirth of a friendship continues
•October 14, 2012 • Leave a Comment. Well we have started to open the past events of our similarly anguished youth and middle years. In childhood we both had severely dysfunctional households; in the adult years again we both had two marriages that failed leaving us wounded and deeply troubled for ever having trust in others. I am realizing that these two events have left us scarred and lonely. Unconditional love is a rare thing. Love of parents is often tarnished by parental actions i.e. choosing a favorite and/or assigning role to the other children. This forces members to always take sides and results in conveying anger for siblings who received special treatment of one parent or the other. Frankly I feel that the early years predisposes the adult (inner child) to make choices which are not healthy as they try to relive and repair the trauma felt early on.
I am disappointed by friends who (mean well) by admonishments and negative prophesies of future pain and suffering. They see this reuniting of friends from the past especially over the time frame of my childhood (5-7) to my present (68) years as impossible. Every one of them are prophets doom who knowing of my own tendency to give often too much only in the end to be a victim of my own hand. But they are not privileged see my friend is the male version of me as he too has been a victim of his own choices. I feel we are kindred souls who are alike in so many ways i.e. things we like and do not like. We are different in that I tend to have the “Pollyanna” attitude and believe in happy ever after and he in the other end of the spectrum and has an attitude that things will not change. I also feel that we can change and through interactions learn to adjust and grow through seeing life (some degree) through the others eyes.
To those who are attempting to plant seeds of doubt upon the vulnerable soil of my past I recoil and withdraw. I will give them the fact that this is spontaneous but I will not concede that that fact alone means disaster. What is does do is keep me less willing to share my further feelings and that is a sad place for me to be.
Changes in my life again…
•October 13, 2012 • 3 CommentsA childhood friend (of many years) has come to live here in my house or at least visit. Sixty years have come and gone and now he is back in my life. He is sweet and childlike and though he claims to be an introvert is not with me. It is not a romantic situation (yet) though I could easily go there. His marriage of 23 years has fallen apart and he has been hurt deeply. He and I have much in common with regard to our past experiences and our purpose in life is also the same. That purpose is to give and help people in our lives and to expect little. My hope is that we can strengthen each other. I am so certain that God has had a hand in this life change. Not that He planned or coordinated these things to happen in our lives but that the events leading up to reuniting old friends. In my case I became divorced in March and my housemate left within the past few weeks. I Gary’s, he came back to the “states” and went to live with a friend in Vermont who turned on him and threw him out without warning. We had been emailing each other while he was in Japan over the past year and he told me he wanted to return to the city of his birth, Poughkeepsie New York before he dies. He has been a world traveler and is very smart. He is a writer, teacher of English, whose has as he puts it seen much especially in Vietnam. In him, I can see the childhood boy that I knew sixty years ago. We both have inner children who have been let down by others whom we have trusted and loved. The living arrangements should be interesting since I am currently an Oscar Madison and he is a Felix Unger. I thought my housemate was a “clean freak” but now I can see there is someone who has claimed the title. I am hoping that some of his cleaning will rub off on me and some of my fears is that he will be disgusted and run off screaming in the night.
God has a plan and if it will be he will provide the tools of tolerance and patience, tenderness and kindness, and a deep love of friendship if not romance. My ability to nurture and care can be a healing point for him. He too has the ability to heal my wounds and allow me to be fruitful and grow.
need thoughts and comments
•September 23, 2012 • 4 CommentsI want to write a blog “An Interview with and alcoholic” Please if you will take a minute to give me questions that you would ask. Many people have been exposed to and affected by those friends and /or family members who have this illness and many are predisposed to thinking in the negative about alcoholics. Most people do not recognize this as serious as cancer but not seen as such since it appears each time is a choice por or con.
jjldee64 